Blogging Dead: Review and Recap of “Four Walls and a Roof” and “Slabtown”

“Four Walls and a Roof”

Oh, Bobby! Someone is having a shitty day when the best thing that happens is that the hipster cannibals that kidnap you and eat your leg don’t realize you were bitten #taintedmeat. I must admit I was cackling with joy when I realized those Terminus jerks ate some serious mystery meat. I had a funny feeling Bob had been bitten, but I think the writers did a good job of distracting me with other plot points, making me forget all about Bob’s brush with the wet walkers.

69d12269f5691d7c1a90d54bb734f987 Meanwhile in the Church, we learn the priest is a selfish bastard, coward who didn’t let his people into church and ate all their canned donations. Half of the group stays with the deadweight baby Judith in the church and the other half goes looking for the hungry people eaters in order to avenge all the wrongs. Of course, the hipster cannibals (who decided to eat people before it was cool) show up to try a new recipe on those inside the church. In true kickass fashion, the other half shows up and deals some serious vengeance. Rick sees this as an opportunity to keep his promise and violently murders Gareth. I think you might call what happened inside the church overkill…I just call it another Tuesday evening during the apocalypse.

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Oh yea… Glen and Maggie and Tara leave with Abraham for DC, so they kind find Will Smith and save the world. And Darryl comes out of the bushes with mystery guest.

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“Slabtown”

FINALLY! BETH! Last we saw of her… it was really just that weird car that Carol and Darryl were chasing. Now, we see that she is stuck inside of a hospital. Good for her. I mean that hospital probably has some good acoustics, so she can belt out a tune or two.

So this creepy place has a resident perv that really loves lollipops BARF and a cute, cowardly bearded doc who doesn’t stand up for anyone and tricks Beth into killing someone (oops!). Needless to stay, this isn’t exactly the hospital of the year. Everyone is trapped inside except the cops that go out to routinely get supplies and kidnap more people. The whole episode is bizarre and has a Twilight Zone feel to it. Who are these weirdoes and where are they getting guinea pig entrees?!

Beth realizes this place is whack and that the female cop in charge has a real I’m Rick James, Bitch slapping problem, and she decides to escape with the help of another “patient” named Noah.

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This does not go as planned, and Noah ends up driving off, while Beth is caught by the police officers in charge. As we see Beth about to try a second attempt at an escape, she sees Carol roll in as a new patient in this effed up hospital. So who is in the bushes with Darryl? What did they do to Carol? Do they have any more lollipops?

…And one more for good measure…

RIP BOB

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Blogging Dead: Review of Season 5’s “Strangers”

WARNING: If you have not seen “Strangers” (Season 5, episode 2), make sure you are not eating meat when you do or else this will happen:

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In “Strangers,” the Ricktatorship is on the move once again. This time, I assume they will have a plan in case they get separated because there are only so many times I can watch Rick yell CARL!  In this episode, the crew finds a very suspicious priest, saves him, and stays at his church. Rick does not trust him (for the record neither do I)… mostly cause he only has one emotion: stupefied.

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In true Walking Dead fashion, they go looking for supplies. This time the crew goes to a local food bank where the priest suggests. There are a bunch of very delicious looking wet zombies, with melty faces in the way of the supplies (kind of like a zombie moat?). Of course, they get the food but not without grossing me out with a bunch of awesome yet ew death-to-soggy-zombie scenes. Rick notices that the priest is acting extra shifty, so he tries to skew him for answers to no avail.

When the crew goes back to the church, Carl warns his dad about some markings on the church. SUSPICIOUS. Rick still doesn’t trust the priest but the priest did give them communal wine so…. Party? At the communal wine party, Muttonchops finally gets Rick to agree to a road trip. Get the Winnebago ready kiddos because the Walking Dead is heading to DC!

BONUS: Carol and Darryl see the mysterious car that kidnapped Beth and follow it. I can’t wait to see what she is going to sing when they rescue her!

The whole episode, Bob seems to be the focal point of the scenes. Naturally, I thought this meant he was going to die. So when he decided it was a great idea to go cry outside alone in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, I thought the dude just signed his death certificate. Ever heard of the buddy system, Bobby? That dumb move gets him captured… and when Bobby wakes up we learn his captures are none other than the Terminus survivors. The Terminus hot hipster leader dude Gareth is directing the cannibals to stalk Rick’s group. And what do cannibals really love other than fava beans and nice Chianti? Roasted leg. Mmmm…. Nice day for a Bobby-Q anyone? Anyone?

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Blogging Dead: First Two Episodes are Like Whoa

Walking Dead is back and so am I! Two weeks ago the series premiered with a lesson in organic farming and tons of noobs ready to be hacked off.  In “30 Days Without an Accident” foreshadow much?, a month has passed and it appears the jail has turned into a quiet(ish) sanctuary for the gang—much like Herchel’s farm was before.  The group set up designated jobs for everyone, farming, gathering, story time/how to stab your infected Dad during a zombiepocalypse time with Carol.

The characters seem to be more relaxed and enjoying the little bit of normalcy the jail gives them. Carl seems to be acting somewhat well adjusted to life without being a menace to society while Rick is still leader, albeit a passive one. Rick is trying to protect his children from the craziness of the outside world and has renounced his role as a gun-toting dictator. Let’s call him Farmer Rick from now on.

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As the first episode developed, we see that their humble abode isn’t as safe as they believed.  On a routine run at a Big Lots! type store, one of the newbies decides he might want to hit the bottle save me some and accidentally knocks the whole store shelf down (party foul!). And just then the roof caves and down comes a ton of hungry zombies, zombie guts, and zombie blood. Beth’s boyfriend gets eaten and she sings a song about it and all she does is change the “Days Without an Accident” board without crying #yolo #unlessyoucomebackasazombie.

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And then there was this drawn out side plot where the creepiest girl alive lures Rick into the forest. It seemed to me like a very boring character development aside that I could have done without. But alas, the ending did rock. I was shocked when kid Zombie Woody Allen gets infected, and we don’t know why he died.

In the second episode “Infected,” turns out Zombie Woody Allen stays in the cellblock and turns a plethora of extras into walkers. That scene was highly intense as we see a bunch of people we have no emotional investment in get eaten. Then, we learn there’s a highly contagious disease spreading through the jail (in addition to the walking dead disease we’ve come to take for granted). And now it’s clear that this is why Zombie Woody died #everythingyouwantedtoknowaboutzombiesbutweretooafraidtoask. And there’s some weird dude or dudette throwing rats to the zombies and BBQing the infected. Michonne cries when she holds babies and Rick arms Carl (hell yes!).

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All-in-all, the season premiere wasn’t as kick-ass as I thought it would be.  The second episode is seemingly more like a continuation of the first. If it had been a 2-hour premiere that combined the first two episodes, there would have been a more cohesive intro to this new season.  And WTF was up with them not taking care of that fence?! Surely by now you would take all that free time you have without Netflix, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook to create a moat, a booby trap, a zombie grenade or something of the sort to prevent any more “accidents in the workplace.”  Also, poor piggies. 😦

Blogging Dead: All About the Season 3 Finale “Welcome to the Tombs”

*MAJOR FINALE SPOILERS*

If you are a walking deadhead like, moi, I know you were anticipating the season 3 finale and completely forgot it was Easter Sunday. It’s been a rather emotionally draining season. We saw a lot  of the characters we thought we knew, change. With the introduction of the damaged Governor, the group’s inner turmoil was exposed. Their main struggle was with maintaining morality in times of despair— a theme present throughout all of the past seasons of Walking Dead. However, now more than ever, the characters are wrestling with deeper issues of morality. Now, they are defining  concepts like sanity versus insanity, good versus evil and right versus wrong, while in a world that has no more rules, in one where decisions are life or death. This tension has played an intricate part in the development of season 3’s characters.

Without further ado… here are the top 5 moments (in no particular order) of the season 3 finale of Walking Dead:

1. Gold ole Rick is back. We saw Rick slowly descend into madness as he imagines his dead pregnant wife is roaming around the prison, making weird phone calls from a line that doesn’t work.

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But after noticing his little boy Carl is turning into a callous victim of this unforgiving people-eating world and meeting his evil FOIL(there you go English degree do your thing), Rick becomes more of a moral dude, more of the sheriff we knew in the beginning of the series. At the end of the episode when he saves all those useless old people and children that will probably die in the beginning of the fourth season, Rick is showing Carl the type of good moral decisions that have been lacking in this effed up zombie world. Rick learned a Ricktatorship is ultimately fun bad and might lead him to losing an eye and mass murdering his group. Plus, being good might get him the sack with Michonne…Anyone else catch that sexual tension?

2. Never take the moral high road or you will die. With all that said about Rick being moral, it’s hard not to wonder if he will die next season. Dale and Andrea have died because they were trying to do the right thing and save people from getting hurt. But maybe, the “right thing to do” has changed completely. Maybe those who choose to follow the morals of a civilization that is long gone are the ones who can’t survive in a undead-eat-human world. Maybe Carl is right?

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3. Governor for president! J/k. Ok so, I knew he was nuts, but I didn’t realize that whole shooting up your own people thing was going to happen. That was crazy and jazzed up the season finale a bit. Now, those two dudes are on the worst road trip of their lives, and I can’t wait to see if this crazy pops up again with a new slew of gynecological and dentistry tools.

4. How long does it take to pick up a pair of pliers with your feet? Now call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure if someone was turning into a zombie, I wouldn’t want to chit chat with them until I was sure to be out of harm’s way. But of course, we are talking about Andrea here, and common sense has no place in her world. Anyway, after having a fun chat with Milton and fumbling to pick up pliers with her feet for like 8 hours (great pedicure!), it is no surprise Andrea is found bitten. Of course, this prompts her to take her own life. Even though, I haven’t been a huge fan, I found myself misty-eyed when Michonne cradled Andrea during Andrea’s final moments. Guess the little goof had some small piece of my heart…very small.

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5. WTF?! They are still in the prison?! So I have no idea what’s happening next, but I am stunned they are still in the same location. Something has to drive them out. There’s no way I can take one more season of people trying to take the prison and Carl shooting them. I wonder what comes next? Can Glenn and Maggie book a wedding venue with such little time to spare? Will Beth sing another Tom Waits song? Will Darryl wear that poncho again? The suspense is killing me. Can’t wait until October!

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Blogging Dead: Thoughts on Walking Dead’s “I ain’t Judas” and “Clear”

My first blog post was deleted. 😦 So here is my attempt at naming the most memorable things that happened in the past two episodes of  Walking Dead.

1. Andrea gets the most awesome advice from Carol. Andrea, make sweet love to the one-eyed Governor and then kill him while he is recovering from the sexcapade,  k? Ah, Carol, it is always the quiet ones with the most perverse suggestions. If Andrea did have any guts, she would do this without hesitation. Instead, she just will look out a window and wish upon a star like the dreamer that she is. Maybe it is for the best. What I honestly think would be even better than the old “rip and violently murder” would be Andrea getting a case of vagina dentata. Robert Kirkman, you listening?

2.  Tyrese, please don’t fall for the obviously evil one-eyed Governor. The Governor always seems to find ever Rick gang reject and bring them to Woodsbury. That Southern accent seems to full everyone (except Michonne) into thinking he’s the epitome of a gentleman. Hopefully the only thing Tyrese will give up is those two young d-bags he’s hanging with. Maybe the 2 frat boys and the Governor can come up with an intense zombie beer pong tournament.

3. Carl is still a badass. That boy can outrun and outgun almost anyone. Plus, he’s willing to tell his old man “take a breather, crazy” or something like that. Go on Carl with your reckless tween self.

4. Michonne opens up to Rick and Carl and it’s awesome. Finally, Michonne is beginning to be a part of the group.  After helping Carl with his sweet and dangerous mission to retrieve a family portrait for his sis and sharing with Rick she to speaks to dead loved ones, Michonne is finally earning her place in jail.

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Top Ten Awesome Trends in 2012 (#10-6)

The end is nigh! Well, probably not, but here is a list that focuses on some of 2012’s greatest trends and occurences.

Here’s this year in awesome, #10-6 for your enjoyment.

10) People stood up for Big Bird!

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Believe it or not, Sesame Street alum Big Bird and his bevy of delightful friends taught me to speak English. That’s why I was so shocked to hear that Mitt Romney wanted to off the yellow birdie and his colorful friends. WTF?! Even though I was outraged at the thought of PBS being given the sack, I was delighted when I saw how many people came to defend my Muppet gang. And what came out of Mitt’s threats to Big Bird became pure meme gold.

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9) Another eccentric election year full of American hilariousness!

From binders full of women to Hey Girl Paul Ryan memes to Obama and Romney rap battles, this election (as most are) was nothing short of a circus. Sure eventually Americans weighed in on actual issues and stopped focusing on Onion articles and Indecision 2012, but the Internet has never been more quick to display every absurdity heard during every debate, tour, and convention. Whether Democrat or Republican, this election year was awesome for everyone when it came to pure comedic gold.

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8) Zombies are cooler than ever!

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So you thought zombies were in last year?! No way! 2012 was the real year of the zombie. After a guy actually ate another man’s face (ewww), it seemed liked the zombie apocalypse was trending. I think some people were actually excited for the impending doom that might occur if the walking dead were dragging among us. Overall though, people were still really into zombie crawls, The Walking Dead, undead video games, and cheesy zombie flicks.

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 7) The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey opens!

I know this one is kind of new. But I am certainly not alone in my excitement for The Hobbit. It is always a great year when you have such an epic movie open in theaters. I read The Hobbit, so I might be disappointed, but hey, I’m still excited and Denny’s still has a second breakfast menu. Hurray for Bilbo!

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6) A Monkey gets lost in IKEA, and it drives everyone BANANAS!

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Ok so most of us “adults” have been to IKEA. And yes, it is a wondrous land of affordable fold-out couches and delicious Swedish meatballs. The last thing you expect to see in IKEA is a stylish monkey. That’s why when a monkey in designer duds was seen lost in the supermarket (like that Clash reference?) it was totally awesome. Plus, what came afterwards were some of the best memes of the year.

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Stay tuned for the top 5! 

Blogging Dead: Top Ten Moments from Walking Dead’s Midseason Finale

In no particular order, here are the most kick-ass moments, revelations and zombie killings from this week’s Walking Dead midseason finale: “Made to Suffer”.

Spoilers!******

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1. New, diverse characters. Let’s reveal brand spanking new characters (to take the place of all the people that were killed and will be killed this season). At first I thought, whoa, is this in the future or the past? What’s that blasted hole in the prison all about? Then, when I realized these new survivors were shuffling through the prison in the present, all I could think is if these people can get in, so can the zombies. So much for a solid fortress.

2. Carl has become Rick’s badass tiny deputy, and he takes his job extremely seriously.  As you can tell by the way everyone gives Carl respect, he is no longer a small fry. Even the new guy, Tyreese, tells his group to calm down and do as Carl says.  I guess all that time Lorrie was neglecting Carl she was actually setting him up to be independent. See, that crazy had been an awful mother a plan all along.

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3.  Carol is NOT A LESBIAN. Thanks for clearing that up, AMC.

4.  Woodbury is a chaotic mess after Michonne, Rick and crew show up to save Glenn and Maggie. And as soon as the smoke bombs go off and everyone starts scattering, Oscar dies (not a surprise).  But what is really irksome is Andrea’s inability to see that there’s more than meets the eye than some infiltrating outsiders out to get weapons and food from good ole Woodbury. Andrea doesn’t think anything weird is going on when all this chaos is occurring, and instead of asking her to help, the Governor wants her to knock on people’s doors and sell Girl Scout cookies or vacuum cleaners or whatever. And her dumbass-ness only gets worse as the episode progresses (I’ll get to that).

5.  Penny, baby, what an awful way to go. Not only do you get zombified at an early age, but also your Daddy decides it is a great idea to store your decomposing undead body in a closet and sing lullabies to you every night (not creepy at all). And then after all the shenanigans, you are done in by a kitana. Rest in peace Penny, and may your hair be brushed properly in heaven.

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6. Glenn has become one of my favorite characters. Just when you thought all Glenn could do was get Lorrie tampons get fat zombies out of wells, he surprises you with his kick-ass resolve. Regardless of being beaten up to a bloody pulp by Merle, Glenn managed to break his chair and use the wood scraps to kill a  hungry walker. He really deserves some apocalyptic sex with Maggie when this is all over. Plus, Glenn taught me I could use zombie bones as a shank if need be. Glenn is the MacGyver of  Walking Dead. Imagine what he could do with some duct tape, a piece of gum and zombie guts!

7. Shane hasn’t left…Rick’s mind. All this time we thought Rick came back from his psychotic zombie-killing spree a new man. But in this week’s episode we see that he is still losing it. He shoots a guy he thinks looks like Shane, but it is really some dude from Woodsbury. Sorry, dude, you look like some douche Rick used to know.

8. Kick-ass gets a name….Judith? So this whole time I thought it was going to be some epic name. Instead, Carl names Lorrie’s baby after his 3rd grade teacher. Anti-climatic a bit?

9. Holy crap! The Governor has a piece of glass through his eye, zombie head  tanks are broken and all their ick is scattered everywhere, plus Penny’s dead body is lying there like a piece of sashimi. After Michonne and the Governor get into it, the whole creepy zombie head TV room (really the selling point of the Governor’s house any realtor will tell you) is a mess. And finally, after Michonne has her chance to kill the sadistic Governor, effing Andrea with her horrible judgment comes in to defend the bastard. OMG Andrea! Are you seeing the weirdness that is happening in that room? Have you ever seen Blues Clues? Let’s do a little deductive reasoning here, lady.

10. Meryl vs.  Daryl! I cannot wait to see them duke it out gladiator style. It’s going to be like a short episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo except with zombie limbs instead of pig feetWell, maybe not that redneck, but it’ll still be fun. I hope Daryl makes it out (DUH!). I’ll be totally bummed if Daryl doesn’t make it. He adds a certain hillbilly je ne sais quoi that I love.

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I can’t wait to see what happens next season!