Blogging Dead: Review and Recap of “Four Walls and a Roof” and “Slabtown”

“Four Walls and a Roof”

Oh, Bobby! Someone is having a shitty day when the best thing that happens is that the hipster cannibals that kidnap you and eat your leg don’t realize you were bitten #taintedmeat. I must admit I was cackling with joy when I realized those Terminus jerks ate some serious mystery meat. I had a funny feeling Bob had been bitten, but I think the writers did a good job of distracting me with other plot points, making me forget all about Bob’s brush with the wet walkers.

69d12269f5691d7c1a90d54bb734f987 Meanwhile in the Church, we learn the priest is a selfish bastard, coward who didn’t let his people into church and ate all their canned donations. Half of the group stays with the deadweight baby Judith in the church and the other half goes looking for the hungry people eaters in order to avenge all the wrongs. Of course, the hipster cannibals (who decided to eat people before it was cool) show up to try a new recipe on those inside the church. In true kickass fashion, the other half shows up and deals some serious vengeance. Rick sees this as an opportunity to keep his promise and violently murders Gareth. I think you might call what happened inside the church overkill…I just call it another Tuesday evening during the apocalypse.

3e7c502c7e8231bce24ecc58da0a1fd2

Oh yea… Glen and Maggie and Tara leave with Abraham for DC, so they kind find Will Smith and save the world. And Darryl comes out of the bushes with mystery guest.

5b11d11a7cb39b27cf633ce504e30317

“Slabtown”

FINALLY! BETH! Last we saw of her… it was really just that weird car that Carol and Darryl were chasing. Now, we see that she is stuck inside of a hospital. Good for her. I mean that hospital probably has some good acoustics, so she can belt out a tune or two.

So this creepy place has a resident perv that really loves lollipops BARF and a cute, cowardly bearded doc who doesn’t stand up for anyone and tricks Beth into killing someone (oops!). Needless to stay, this isn’t exactly the hospital of the year. Everyone is trapped inside except the cops that go out to routinely get supplies and kidnap more people. The whole episode is bizarre and has a Twilight Zone feel to it. Who are these weirdoes and where are they getting guinea pig entrees?!

Beth realizes this place is whack and that the female cop in charge has a real I’m Rick James, Bitch slapping problem, and she decides to escape with the help of another “patient” named Noah.

Rick_4215c1_1042891

This does not go as planned, and Noah ends up driving off, while Beth is caught by the police officers in charge. As we see Beth about to try a second attempt at an escape, she sees Carol roll in as a new patient in this effed up hospital. So who is in the bushes with Darryl? What did they do to Carol? Do they have any more lollipops?

…And one more for good measure…

RIP BOB

ff211d8943efe7da72865e7a80f363e1

Blogging Dead: A recap and review of “No Sanctuary”

walking_dead_first_look_a_p

          For being a show about the horrors of being neither one thing nor the either— neither dead nor alive, neither humane nor inhumane, neither a child nor an adult, etc., Walking Dead’s season 5 premiere has ventured into realm of absolute truth. In “No Sanctuary,” the characters learn the Terminus motto: “Either you’re the butcher or the cattle.” Perhaps the world is now exclusively made of predators and prey, making it almost impossible for our likeable characters to have a morale compass worth indulging.

As we know from the end of last season, Terminus was a bust. Instead of being an all-inclusive cruise with shuffleboard, a zany cruise director, and an all-you-can-eat buffet, it turns out it to be Hannibal Lector ‘s idea of a fun vacay. Glad there’s a good refund policy.

So during this first episode we see both separated groups (Rick and gang in Terminus and Carol and Tyrese in abandoned shack) unknowingly work with each other to terrorize Terminus and reunite the Rickatorship. Carol and Tyrese with wittle Baby Judith try to come up with a plan to reunite the group. Carol takes it upon herself to take everyone in Terminus out—distracting the lot with firework explosions and zany zombie mayhem. Tyrese decides to stay home and take care of the kid, what a modern day love story.

Inside Terminus, the group struggles to shank their way out of this popsicle stand. With the butchers (sounds like a great name for a band: The Butchers) about to kill Rick, Darryl, Alcoholic dude who I forget his name, and Glen, the group’s escape plan seems unlikely. Comically, Glen gets almost decapitated 3 times, but finally, a loud boom (Go Carol!) distracts the beheading of one my fav characters.

Characters both inside and outside Terminus question the new meaning of morality. Tyrese ultimately makes a decision to break his “no killing vow” (kind of sounds like me when I vow no more carbs, but you know, how can you not carb? I get you Tyrese). Rick also decides eff these people… I’m going to go Rambo on them, and let them turn into zombies.

30pzd1

Rick becomes a butcher in order to avoid slaughter. In fact, before seeing Carol (who constantly kicks ass this episode), Rick wants to go back finish off all the cannibals at Terminus (to Glenn’s chagrin). So what’s the difference between what those in Terminus did to Rick’s group in order to survive and what Rick would do to survive? Is the grey moral ground gone in season 5?

This episode of Walking Dead is setting a really dark precedent for the rest of the season. I predict we’ll see our beloved characters lose more of their humanity in an effort to avoid literally and figuratively being cattle. No more “no kill vows”, no more gardening, no more Winnebago golf. The stakes have changed for the group, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

 PS- Where’s Beth?!

enhanced-buzz-29940-1364828029-31

Blogging Dead: First Two Episodes are Like Whoa

Walking Dead is back and so am I! Two weeks ago the series premiered with a lesson in organic farming and tons of noobs ready to be hacked off.  In “30 Days Without an Accident” foreshadow much?, a month has passed and it appears the jail has turned into a quiet(ish) sanctuary for the gang—much like Herchel’s farm was before.  The group set up designated jobs for everyone, farming, gathering, story time/how to stab your infected Dad during a zombiepocalypse time with Carol.

The characters seem to be more relaxed and enjoying the little bit of normalcy the jail gives them. Carl seems to be acting somewhat well adjusted to life without being a menace to society while Rick is still leader, albeit a passive one. Rick is trying to protect his children from the craziness of the outside world and has renounced his role as a gun-toting dictator. Let’s call him Farmer Rick from now on.

images-2

As the first episode developed, we see that their humble abode isn’t as safe as they believed.  On a routine run at a Big Lots! type store, one of the newbies decides he might want to hit the bottle save me some and accidentally knocks the whole store shelf down (party foul!). And just then the roof caves and down comes a ton of hungry zombies, zombie guts, and zombie blood. Beth’s boyfriend gets eaten and she sings a song about it and all she does is change the “Days Without an Accident” board without crying #yolo #unlessyoucomebackasazombie.

images

And then there was this drawn out side plot where the creepiest girl alive lures Rick into the forest. It seemed to me like a very boring character development aside that I could have done without. But alas, the ending did rock. I was shocked when kid Zombie Woody Allen gets infected, and we don’t know why he died.

In the second episode “Infected,” turns out Zombie Woody Allen stays in the cellblock and turns a plethora of extras into walkers. That scene was highly intense as we see a bunch of people we have no emotional investment in get eaten. Then, we learn there’s a highly contagious disease spreading through the jail (in addition to the walking dead disease we’ve come to take for granted). And now it’s clear that this is why Zombie Woody died #everythingyouwantedtoknowaboutzombiesbutweretooafraidtoask. And there’s some weird dude or dudette throwing rats to the zombies and BBQing the infected. Michonne cries when she holds babies and Rick arms Carl (hell yes!).

images-1

All-in-all, the season premiere wasn’t as kick-ass as I thought it would be.  The second episode is seemingly more like a continuation of the first. If it had been a 2-hour premiere that combined the first two episodes, there would have been a more cohesive intro to this new season.  And WTF was up with them not taking care of that fence?! Surely by now you would take all that free time you have without Netflix, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook to create a moat, a booby trap, a zombie grenade or something of the sort to prevent any more “accidents in the workplace.”  Also, poor piggies. 😦

Blogging Dead: All About the Season 3 Finale “Welcome to the Tombs”

*MAJOR FINALE SPOILERS*

If you are a walking deadhead like, moi, I know you were anticipating the season 3 finale and completely forgot it was Easter Sunday. It’s been a rather emotionally draining season. We saw a lot  of the characters we thought we knew, change. With the introduction of the damaged Governor, the group’s inner turmoil was exposed. Their main struggle was with maintaining morality in times of despair— a theme present throughout all of the past seasons of Walking Dead. However, now more than ever, the characters are wrestling with deeper issues of morality. Now, they are defining  concepts like sanity versus insanity, good versus evil and right versus wrong, while in a world that has no more rules, in one where decisions are life or death. This tension has played an intricate part in the development of season 3’s characters.

Without further ado… here are the top 5 moments (in no particular order) of the season 3 finale of Walking Dead:

1. Gold ole Rick is back. We saw Rick slowly descend into madness as he imagines his dead pregnant wife is roaming around the prison, making weird phone calls from a line that doesn’t work.

tumblr_mdevqt6fbT1qztl7io1_500

But after noticing his little boy Carl is turning into a callous victim of this unforgiving people-eating world and meeting his evil FOIL(there you go English degree do your thing), Rick becomes more of a moral dude, more of the sheriff we knew in the beginning of the series. At the end of the episode when he saves all those useless old people and children that will probably die in the beginning of the fourth season, Rick is showing Carl the type of good moral decisions that have been lacking in this effed up zombie world. Rick learned a Ricktatorship is ultimately fun bad and might lead him to losing an eye and mass murdering his group. Plus, being good might get him the sack with Michonne…Anyone else catch that sexual tension?

2. Never take the moral high road or you will die. With all that said about Rick being moral, it’s hard not to wonder if he will die next season. Dale and Andrea have died because they were trying to do the right thing and save people from getting hurt. But maybe, the “right thing to do” has changed completely. Maybe those who choose to follow the morals of a civilization that is long gone are the ones who can’t survive in a undead-eat-human world. Maybe Carl is right?

andrea

3. Governor for president! J/k. Ok so, I knew he was nuts, but I didn’t realize that whole shooting up your own people thing was going to happen. That was crazy and jazzed up the season finale a bit. Now, those two dudes are on the worst road trip of their lives, and I can’t wait to see if this crazy pops up again with a new slew of gynecological and dentistry tools.

4. How long does it take to pick up a pair of pliers with your feet? Now call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure if someone was turning into a zombie, I wouldn’t want to chit chat with them until I was sure to be out of harm’s way. But of course, we are talking about Andrea here, and common sense has no place in her world. Anyway, after having a fun chat with Milton and fumbling to pick up pliers with her feet for like 8 hours (great pedicure!), it is no surprise Andrea is found bitten. Of course, this prompts her to take her own life. Even though, I haven’t been a huge fan, I found myself misty-eyed when Michonne cradled Andrea during Andrea’s final moments. Guess the little goof had some small piece of my heart…very small.

Unknown

5. WTF?! They are still in the prison?! So I have no idea what’s happening next, but I am stunned they are still in the same location. Something has to drive them out. There’s no way I can take one more season of people trying to take the prison and Carl shooting them. I wonder what comes next? Can Glenn and Maggie book a wedding venue with such little time to spare? Will Beth sing another Tom Waits song? Will Darryl wear that poncho again? The suspense is killing me. Can’t wait until October!

Unknown-1

Cubanisimo Zombie Apocalypse: On “Juan of the Dead”

tumblr_mb722tnSh01qzt9q7o1_500

Now for something that’s actually Cuban.

Shaun of the Dead is one of my favorite zombie movies and for good reasons: clever classic zombie movie parody moments, a wonderful slacker redemption plot, and of course, Simon Pegg. And even though there is no Simon Pegg, Juan of the Dead does an excellent job of achieving all that Shaun of the Dead does plus adds poignant political satire to the mix. Of course, all zombie movies are not actually about zombies except for maybe Zombie Cheerleading Camp that’s about boobs and zombies. But Juan of the Dead reveals the absurdity of a communist society in a surprisingly delightful way (and it doesn’t bore you with political diatribes).

At the start of the flick, slacker Juan (Alex Diaz de Villegas) and his perv friend Lazaro (Jorge Molina) are fishing of the coast of Cuba when they encounter their first zombie. Right away, the audience knows there is a zombie conflict rising, but Juan and Lazaro just take it as an odd occurrence and go on with their lives. After their brief interaction with the undead, they seem unmoved and continue what can be assumed is a typical day in Havana for the pair. They talk to neighbors, drink rum on a rooftop, peep through their neighbor’s windows, and eventually, attend their neighborhood’s weekly meeting. That meeting is where the horrific mayhem starts and the movie’s satirical intentions are evident.

During the meeting, the very patriotic neighbors sing the national anthem and pledge their faith in the country’s communism. Right as the meeting takes way, a zombie starts attacking. Immediately everyone around disperses in a frenzy. When Juan and company get to a TV, hoping to find some news on the day’s unbelievable events, they discover that the media and government are blaming these brutal attacks on the U.S.A. and are referring to the zombies as dissidents—making it very obvious they are mocking the country’s government and its manipulation of facts like a Big Brother dystopia but with zombies.

Amidst the zombie craziness, there are a ton of “Shaun of the Dead typemoments with a hilarious Cuban twist. However, I’m not sure that someone without familiarity with the Cuban culture (a.k.a. the average American moviegoer) would get the jokes and satire quite the same way.

Overall, It is an excellent zombie flick, and I would suggest it to anyone looking to watch something different from a Simon Pegg flick, but still just as funny and entertaining. Just make sure to brush up on your Cuban before watching.

And in case you were wondering what your Cuban Abuela might say when watching Juan of the Dead, it would go something like this:

“ñoooo que ZOMBIE ni zombie, Chico. Eso no pasaba en Cuba. ¡Que paquete!” 

Blogging Dead: Top 10 Moments from Walking Dead’s “Arrow on the Doorpost” and “Prey”

Here are the things that caught my eye on the past two episodes of “Walking Dead.”

SPOILERS!!!!

In no particular order:

10. Tyrese doesn’t notice the Governor’s creepy smile.

I don’t know about you, but I expected Tyrese to know better than to trust that slick, Southern psychopath after he sweetly smiles over and over again, explaining exactly how noble his intentions are for Woodbury. Uhhh…. just look at this smile?! What are you Andrea?! I know you have your doubts, Tyrese, but I seriously expect more from you than to take Governor at face and one-eyed value.

9. Finally, the Governor and Rick meet… it’s moment where I can’t help but wonder, WWSD: what would Shane do.

Now, there was  a ton of talking during the past episode. When Shane and Rick met, I felt like I was watching a zombiepocolypse presidential debate. Anyway, I thought, wouldn’t it be great if Shane was there and could just kill the Governor without engaging in all of these platitudes. After all, I’m not sure anyone on Team Rick would mind the Governor’s death too much. Shane was a man of action and immorality. Maybe we need a little bit of that to get rid of this one-eyed bastard.

8. Cue explicit Maggie and Glenn sex scene.

Hot prison sex during a zombie apocalypse? No guys, this wasn’t a wacky episode of Oz. This was a cheap ploy to get me interested. And it worked! Honestly,  I think the creators of this show thought: Hey, this episode is pretty boring, lets add an unexpected sex scene to confuse the audience into being entertained. Those sneaky Hollywood people trick me all the time! Arg! BTW Meryl, I think Glenn did “Nut up.”

7. Not Michonne!

Now I get why you would want to negotiate with someone that has an arsenal of biters at his disposal, but  why would you consider giving up the only person in your group that has a kitana?! Seriously Rick, WWCD: What would Carl do?

6. Rick and the Governor could’ve been BFF if there was no end of days.

Thanks to some old fashioned manipulation, Rick was bonding with the Governor over their series of unfortunate events. But at least this talk has made Rick feel less nutty until he realizes Laurie had sex with the Governor, too.

5. Get those vag clamps away from him and me!

I, like most women, hate going to the gyno, so the mere thought of having a pap smear done by one-eyed crazy McGee, made my squirm. Why the clamp?! Oh dear God. I can only imagine the sicko things he wants to do do Michonne. But what bewildered me the most is how he got those. I mean, I know the various saws and med tools could have been stored by Malcolm, but did Malcolm really have a vaginal speculum in his arsenal of tools? I can’t imagine many pap smears were occurring in Woodsbury. Maybe the Governor ordered one on eBay. I googled it, and they are only $4.99.  Pretty good price for a terrify tool to keep at home.

4. Michonne’s pets were not from a rescue after all.

Finally we get another vague answer from Michonne! She did know the pets as humans or they were never “human” per say and she enjoyed dragging them around. I kind of like the idea. It’s crazy, but not too crazy for the zombie apocalypse. I immediately fantasized about doing this to every d-bag I’ve had the pleasure of interacting with in life. How gratifying would it be to drag around their helpless undead corpse around. Whoa. That just went somewhere dark. Maybe I could just drag around someone who really liked to be a submissive when they were alive.  Maybe someone who really loved the Folsom Street Fair? Anyway, I think it would kind of honor someone like that to be an undead pet. no?

3. Malcolm is getting the idea.

Finally, this slightly disturbing little man is coming to grips with the real Governor. I enjoyed that he secretly burned those walkers in the pit ,only to reveal himself as the arsonist two scenes later. You go on with your dorky self!

2. The ultimate Cat and Mouse game: Andrea and Governor.

I was at the edge of my seat watching the chase surprisingly hoping Andrea got away alive. Those scenes made me so anxious that I was yelling like a madwoman at my TV. I mean that chase was the ultimate ex from hell moment. I know I’ve had some bad relationships, but I can’t say any were hunting me down in order to torture me with a freaking vag speculum.

1. The best part is not knowing what comes next!

Will Michonne be fed to the one-eyed Southern gentleman or will Rick realize that he’s being set up and come up with a better plan? Plus, what happens with Andrea’s love life. Will she finally meet The One? All I know is that zombie death by shovel is awesome and must be used again.

…And one more eye joke…

image

Blogging Dead: Top 5 Moments from the last 2 episodes of Walking Dead

So…my computer is broken…thus the lack of entries. I apologize in advance!

I am all caught up with Walking Dead, and I am wondering…. WTH is going on? Here are my Top Five moments from Walking Dead ‘s last two episodes: “The Suicide King” and “Home.” Oh, and they are in no particular order!

*SPOILERS*

walking-dead-governor-suicide-king

1. Ummm…. Rick’s kind of nuts and no one seems to mind. Now I would imagine that in a zombie Apocolyptic world, what classifies as crazy might be a very loose definition. After all, how sane would you be if you would endure watching undead people’s heads explode, shot your mom after she gave birth, cut off your own leg, or grown a hideous ponytail from all the stress (I’m looking at you, Herschel)? With that said, when you start imagining your dead wife and  frenemy best friend, maybe you should consider retiring as leader of the group. It seems like everyone else would rather have a crazy Rick as a leader than a pissed off Glen.  I’m not sure Rick is the right crazy dude to be the leader anymore. Just saying.

2. The Governor’s one eye looks over everything. For someone who should be fighting to stay alive, he sure involves himself in a lot of petty grudges. Get over it! Your daughter was having a bad hair day… so what?! Let Rick’s people live in peace! (More on this later)

3. Andrea is still annoying me with her tween crushes on bad boys. After the Governor acts like a fool towards all her friends and asks her to be a Speaker of the House or Deputy or whatever of Woodbury (without actually explaining what the hell is happening), she continues to pout like a 15 year-old girl who just got a confusing text from her crush. Wake up, Andrea! She defintely needs a gay BFF in her life to tell her what’s up. Giiirrrrllllll, if a guy can’t accept your friends during a zombie doomsday, he’s just not that into you. 

4. Durl and Murl are still awesome rednecks. Just when you thought you couldn’t get any more racist humor during the end of days, Darryl “convinces” his bro to go back to jail and stay with his ole friends. Of course, not before Meryl gets a chance to make some highly insensitive racist jokes.

5. Holy crap! Not some much of a Surprise attack! The latest episode features some action. And i can’t wait to see the knock down drag out war between the Govenor and Crazy Rick Mcgee. Not to mention, this is Glen’s chance to be a badass with a mini van. Let’s do this!